The last time I published something here, it was rather bleak. At the time, the GOP was a dumpster fire nationally (and it still is), and I had left my local GOP after they decided to bring Homophobia and Antisemitism to its ranks. I was done with the GOP, but I was still a Conservative. One thing is though, I never got around to changing my party affiliation. Whether it was just laziness, hesitation over sentimentality, or just how busy I was, this turned out to be a good thing. Recently I have had time to rethink exactly how fed up I was, and I had time to search my soul. I got to meet an incredible person and talk with friends who accepted me even when I said I was post-GOP, and so I have decided instead of abandoning the party I put so much work into that I should stay and fight.
The person closest to me who made a difference in this decision has been my amazing friend Nicolee Ambrose, the RNC Committeewoman for Maryland. She has always been in my corner since we first met, and even though she was disappointed to hear last year that I was going to leave the party, she respected my decision. She still stood by me as a friend, and I still stood by her. This made a difference of course because at some point I felt half of the people I dealt with only valued me for my usefulness (either for my skills or in the case of my local GOP in Baltimore, as a shield from criticism). Nicolee reminded me that no matter what even if I was no longer a useful member of the GOP I was still a friend, which means a lot because she believed so much in me and invested so much in building my experience and skill set. Some people would be upset after investing so much time and effort into someone they wanted to build up, but Nicolee didn’t help me out for her own benefit. She was only helping a friend pursue a common passion, and knowing that has made a huge difference in these past few months while I was really starting to think about this.
Another major thing that influenced my decision was meeting Ambassador Rick Grenell. In 10 years of working in politics, I somehow never managed to actually be starstruck by meeting important VIPs, I usually manage to remain cool and collected. When I ran into Rick Grenell at CPAC though, I was kind of tongue-tied and babbling. Rick is a shining example of what a gay man can achieve in American Politics when he doesn’t bow to the mediocrity of the Democratic Party. When Rick became the first openly gay member of a presidential cabinet under Donald Trump, it was not because he was the token gay being appointed to fill a diversity quota like our current secretary of transportation. Rick was a successful ambassador, very skilled, and very competent. Being gay was just an additional awesome factor.
Rick Grenell also has my respect for still fighting for the GOP, even after he was thrown under the bus by RINO Republicans like Mitt Romney in 2012 when Rick was outed. Despite all of the abuse he faced from establishment evangelicals, despite having Pierre Delecto throw him to the sharks like a coward, Rick remained a Republican. And meeting him reminded me of that. Rick kept his faith in the GOP even after being attacked for being Gay, and because he didn’t quit he made history less than a decade later. When I really had time to sit and think about this, I was disappointed in myself. Rick was screwed by the entire GOP establishment and didn’t quit, yet here I was done with the GOP because of Eddie Munster (You’ll also know him bt his public name, Matt Gaetz) and a small handful of local bigots. Thinking about this was a kick in the pants.
It made me realize I am not done with the GOP. I can’t be, there is still too much I want to do and too many people who believe in me. I can’t stand by while people like Matt Gaetz cause chaos and people like Mike Johnson throw our country and our party under the bus. It’s just not who I am, despite my moment of weakness I am a fighter. Of course, I will have to take things slowly. I haven’t really written things in this past year because the events of 2023 really killed my inspiration. That will take some time to get back sadly. But for now, I can at least get involved again by getting my boots on the ground with the state GOP, and show people that despite my stumbling I am still ready to fight. After all, people who are really important to me have shown me that my fight is nowhere near over.
William Hellmann 